Mostly because of the irony of lives they're living.
Sometimes because they (ONLY SLIGHTLY) disturb me.
Or simply because their brains work differently than that of mine.
Although I believe this thought is not unique only to mine,
Since there could be millions of others sharing the same personality type.
Doesn't mean I would gather with the other investigators.
Because based on experience the end result could be just the same:
We're going to go against each other, insult each other, trigger each other, push each other's buttons.
So for now I refrain from any discourse in any parliament of owls.
Now, for the curio of the day..
The list of entertainers using drugs is unbelievably keeps on adding in my country almost everyday.
FYI, unlike many western countries we're very strict about drug use.
The entertainers are one of the types of human I've been interested observing (as probably everybody has as well).
So I'm always excited when they mess up.
Meaning more irony, more paradox to be enjoyed pondering.
How come they have problems?
They get by easily socially.
They're attractive.
They're almost always wealthier.
They seem to have everything.
On the other hand though, I'm tremendously grateful for all the gifts that I already have.
Some are unique and rather exclusive to my personality traits.
But one side effect is I'm prone to not doing so smoothly in social realm.
And I've observed that with that sole trait they seem to have their doors open more easily.
Although I'm not really complaining for I love being the way I am,
Still I'm struck with awe when people like them have problems despite their gifts I don't have.
And as the places they're caught are getting closer and closer to my place..
I'm getting even more EXCITED!
Yesss... do you know how 'glad' I am,
Every time I found a celebrity got caught in a drug bust?
Or a (NOT SO SEVERE) criminal case?
Or doing self-harm or taking their own lives?
Especially comedians, who are supposed to be the 'happiest' people in the world.
Especially those who seem to be on top.
Especially those who seem doing better than I am.
Doesn't matter if I've developed a crush on the person.
Doesn't matter if I love the person and the other side of me want them to heal.
Doesn't matter if they have any similarities with me and thus I was supposed to empathize.
In other case, do you know how 'happy' (or.. happier?) I would be,
If one of those people happen to be one of my relatives?
Oh, don't make that face, I'm not close with anyone - not anymore, and at least not now.
The emotion I've got dominating now is pure CURIOSITY.
I just want to know the whys, everything behind the scene.
For insight is one source of my happiness.
But of course there's another reason:
The truth that I HATE TO LOSE.
In fact the closer the similarities, the greater my desire to compete & defeat the other!
Despite sometimes I felt warmth in my heart, probably for the prospect of friendship by similarities.
Yet again I'm 95% ego so, hmh..
Only when I'm sure there's NO HIDDEN KRAKEN,
Or when the corresponding stars later aligned,
I'll be opening myself to whatever connections.
Back to the "Clowns", how could they have problems?
In fact, how come everybody else has problems?? Only I have problems!
But the truth is OF COURSE I NEVER want to be only me who have problems!!
In fact I've always been happy when I found out others have (JUST SLIGHTLY) worse problems than I have!
The problem is some part of my brain thinks that other people don't really exist.
Unless if they're a threat, my survival instinct right away will do ANYTHING & EVERYTHING to protect myself from them.
Unless if they're a treat, I'll be so happy to keep them in my reality circle.
And back to the drug busts that have made me 'happy'..
Hmm.. what else is there to confess?
I just 'hope' there would be another interesting development,
As the cases are getting closer and closer to my place..
Of course I'm 'happy' because despite the 'darkness', I'm not involved.
I guess I'll always be The Observer.
Investigating, sometimes expecting something different behind anything.
And there's always be the glass, the gift of non-attachment to fulfill that purpose.
Although in some places it's not there to help me.
Because with all those confessions doesn't mean I laugh at every crime scene.
Some cases NEEDS TO BE AVENGED!!!
If only I had that kind of POWER....
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